Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
