i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
