Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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