In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
