What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
