I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
