i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
