Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
