i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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