just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
