Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
