Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
