Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
