Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Please, let me fuck your mom
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
