Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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