Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
