Cold hands, warm shart.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
