community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
