the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
