are you still at the devil's house?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
