i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Do vagina's smell?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
