My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
