Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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