So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
