I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just want nice things and good sex
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
