I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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