where am i from again
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
