You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
