The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
