K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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