Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
