tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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