an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
