I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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