he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
