the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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