So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
