Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
