I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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