I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
