Me too!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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