Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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