don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
