He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
