You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
