went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I cut my penus on the lid.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
