Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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