There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
