Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
