I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
