I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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