So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just gift wrapped bread.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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