I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
