And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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