Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
