we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
