I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
